I'm losing myself...

So for months now I've been working on losing weight.  I've been allowing myself to cheat from time to time. What overweight person wouldn't?  Seriously though, I go through spills when I just didn't care anymore.  What does it matter?  It's like I've been overweight for years and years and years, what makes me think I can just quit what I've been used to for most of my life.

Anyway, I was going to WeightWatchers.  Now I'm not downing WeightWatchers, they are a business.  And apparently their program does work. I've lost weight.  But after a while, you begin to wonder why you are forking over your money just for them to say, "umm... yeah you must not have done right this week, gained a pound",  "way to go, see you keep up with it, and you'll keep losing..lost a pound,"  or my personal favorite "Wow, (insert member's name here) would you like to share with the group how you lost your 3 pounds this week."

Do you really want me to say that I didn't write down everything I ate.  I am just actually working to make more conscientious choices on food.  So at the beginning of the New Year, I told myself I would keep losing weight, but without forking over my life savings! 

So yeah, I've lost another 2 pounds.  I am 8 pounds away from my first goal weight.  Then I will set another goal.  Then finally I should be able to set my target weight and achieve it.  By the time I'm done I will have lost oh 70-ish pounds.  I have currently lost 15.  So yeah 35 more to go.  I just figure making smaller goals and rewarding myself along the way will be better.  WeightWatchers does the small thing, but I will give myself more than a keychain!

Time flying by...

You know I cannot count the times I have wished life away.  Not in the sense that one would generally assume. I am not wishing for death, no on the other hand, I am wishing for more action to come into my life.  More than likely I am ready for something to happen.

I cannot remember how long I wished the days, months, and years away to be teaching. I have counted down days for different activities, and normally those activities fly by before I realize they are here.

This has been on my mind lately because once again I am counting down.  Rob will be here in November.  On a different note, I will update everyone...

My classroom was broken into a week or two ago.  It scared me, and I felt violated.  However, according to EVERY teacher at my school the police officer who comforted me was hot.  They have all decided they will cry to get him to hug them.  I didn't even realize he was hugging me.. lol

My other current pondering... why do black students name call by calling each other black??? I wanna saw oooooooooooooo... He told you, he black... In case you didn't know that since you are 8-10 years of age.  However, it gets more confusing when they call each other white.  They will say something derogatory about whites.  I have to remind them that I am white.  Their reply, "Oh yeah, sorry Ms. Brewer, we forgot!"  I guess they don't see me everyday.

Sleepiness is taking over.. I am calling it a night.

Clarity

This past week has been a rough one.  I caught one my first school sickness.  I know that this will be one of many school sicknesses to come.  I know that this first year, I will catch EVERYTHING! I am working to change that though.

Anyway, Wednesday was the day I officially just wanted to crawl back in my bed.  I was extremely miserable with this head cold.  However, this was the first day I started Weight Watchers.  Thats right, I am trying to lose some weight.  I used to go walking in Bonita, but I am running out of time in my schedule. SOOOO, Weight Watchers here I come!

Its not too bad, I am learning the rules, and I think I am doing a good job.  The only thing is now I am constantly thinking of food.  Not necessarily because I am hungry, but just analyzing my meals.  I am constantly wondering if  I should do this or this.  Oh wait I may want to eat this.  I don't want to eat this.  All of this is going through my head.  I can now imagine how eating disorders begin.  This is frustrating, and I want to NOT think so much about this.  Hopefully, my analytical skills will wear off soon!

Back to the sickness, I have the funk, the crud, whatever you want to call it.  I went to the doctor Wednesday.  I got two shots, and a list of medication.  After a miserable weekend, I can finally say that I am feeling better.  I can use my voice and sound like a woman.  I have been sounding like a man.  

Well, readers, hopefully this blog does not find you sick.  I am on the up and up, I can feel myself getting well!

Paula Deen.... Are you really from the South?!

So yesterday I was forced to watch Paula Deen. She gets on my nerves sometimes with her accent. I think its phony! I have been debating on this for quite sometime, but I must admit she proved me right yesterday.

Here's what happened... Paula had some lady on with her making cinnamon rolls. They were having a grand old time making them when they decided to add a particular nut to the mix. This nut has been the center of a huge debate in our society. That debate is how do you pronouce the word pecan.

Now I have even researched this online. The online dictionary pronounced it the way I say it...(the right way!) (puh-con) NOT, I stress NOT Pee-can. That doesn't even roll off the tongue the way it should.

All I have to say is Paula Deen, you had better hope I don't contact the folks at Smithsville. They will tear your contract up in a heartbeat because of the false advertisement that you are this true Southern Belle! Heck no! Scarlett was a better Southerner than you!

Sorry to all the Deen fans out there that I may have upset. But you can only imagine how upset I was when I heard that curse word come out of her mouth pretending that was the "Southern" way to say it!

Blank Canvas

A blank canvas, thats what I walked into whenever I first saw my classroom. It was a bit intimidating knowing that in two short months it would be filled with color, imagination, and love. Then again, what on earth was I going to put on these walls?

So...again, now what? I know in all my classes the creativity part never seemed very hard, but now it seemed a huge daunting task that I wasn't sure I wanted to take on. However, it was too late for that. What was I going to do, let my kids stare at four blank walls!? I knew that wasn't an option. I turned to the internet. I found this awesome website heyteach.biz. I was amazed at how cheap their prices were, shipping wasn't that bad either. I think I spent maybe fifty bucks, and I got everything I wanted. I am a sucker for Dr. Seuss, and they have a ton of his stuff!

The next day, I went back up to my school with questions in mind, "Can I paint," "Does it matter what color I paint it?" I was thrilled to learn that I could. I even picked out a beautiful scene to go on the wall. (I blogged about this earlier)

Now I did not go up there every day this summer, and I am not completely finished with my classroom. However, I am proud of what I have done so far... Enjoy the pictures below. (Ignore the old computers, they are being removed. They just haven't been removed yet.)

Lost Life?!

I have recently learned that my autobiography was MIA! I wrote it, I remember writing it! So who knows where it went to. So I re-wrote my autobiography. This time I tried to be more colorful. I wanted my personality to shine. I typed it first. Then I shortened it for the actual hand written copy. I liked it. Happy reading! I didn't give it a title, but if I did I think it would be something fabulous like "My Journey to the Yellow Brick Road."

I am sitting here waiting thinking, “How did I get here? Is this finally happening?” I couldn’t believe that I was finally graduating with honors feeling prepared to teach. The road to this point was definitely not paved with those glittery yellow bricks that others have gotten the privilege to walk on during their lifetime. However, I am thankful I’ve gotten to see others walk on that yellow brick road. It makes me more excited about the goals I have achieved during my lifetime.

We are shuttled into room after room, hallway after hallway. Each one seems longer than the last, and we become more congested the closer we get to the stage. This is it! I am surprisingly nervous. I keep telling myself you’ve done this before. However, I don’t think I am very convincing. My mind is wandering everywhere. I should be paying attention to what this lady in front of me is saying. I think she is explaining what we should be doing. Daydreams are powerful distractions, and memories are even stronger. I allow myself to drift off. The memories come back flooding my mind with mixed emotions. I’ve walked across a stage similar to this one before. But the certainty I have this time wasn’t there a few years ago.

It was a beautiful day in Columbus, MS, I was preparing for graduation from Mississippi University for Women with a Bachelor of Arts in English. I had worked hard throughout my years. But my time was rapidly coming to an end. The only thing running through my mind that day was, “Now what am I going to do?”

I knew what my dream was. I had made my mind at an early age that I would be a teacher. While others were playing with dolls or playing house, I was playing teacher. I had my classroom full of the best teaching supplies. I was given my own reading group in the second grade. My teacher would tell me what to do, and she would busy herself with the other reading groups. See, this was the time before assistants.

On that day of my MUW graduation, my inner child was very saddened that the goal I had set for myself was not achieved. I had completed all courses in preparation to teach; however, I was informed my scores for the Praxis PLT 7-12 were not up to the State’s standard. Therefore, student teaching at MUW was no longer an option. That would keep me from graduating on time. I changed my major to English from Secondary Education English, and I applied for graduation. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted, but I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel so-to-speak.

I continued to study. I took the time as a break from full-time studies. I knew this break wouldn’t be forever, but I knew I needed a break from school. I took classes to certify me to teach English as a Second Language. I threw myself into working retail where I realized I have a knack for convincing people to buy things. I am a sales person, naturally, but it’s not my passion. I busied my free time with tutoring my friends’ children. I helped them with whatever classes they were struggling. I was even offered a job teaching home-schooled students.

Towards the end of 2006, I realized I had waited long enough. Watch out MSU-Meridian, here I come! I enjoyed being back in the college setting. I believe I needed that time to grow and mature. Since, I had managed a few retail stores during my time away, I was forced to gain more responsibility. I know it was exactly what I needed.

“Layla....." the announcer boomed.

Every memory has vanished for this moment. There are just a few things that now occupy my thoughts. The first, walk slowly and don’t fall. The second, keep smiling and shake everyone’s hand. The third, I did get my yellow brick road. I just had to lay the bricks out myself before I could walk on it!

Life Changing Decision Made

Lately, I have been forced to make some pretty life altering decisions.  For example, graduate school- when should I start? Should I just go ahead and get a loan, etc?

However, a commercial just made me realize that these decisions are nothing compared to whether or not I take a daily birth control.  Now, if i was on a daily birth control I would only have two swimsuits to choose from.  They are both one pieces, and I have a choice of white or yellow.  There is nothing fancy about these swimsuits. OH! I almost forgot I also have to choose which day of the week will be plastered all over my swimsuit. AND I would have to swim with a swimmer's cap on my head! YuCk!

Now if I switch to NuvaRing then a whole new closet of swimsuits will open up to for me.  I will have bikini's, sexier one pieces, and any color I choose to have!  Oh and no days of the week printed all over my swimsuit.  AND- no swimmer's cap! I mean just look at the possibilities. I can now swim in whatever I want.  And suddenly when I switch from the pill to NuvaRing, I have fabulous hair! What more could a girl want!?

I think there will be a mad rush to every local gyno office for ladies begging for this new product.  I mean look at the great advertising they are using to endorse this product.  Me, however, I will wait for some no-name celebreality star to come out and say I use NuvaRing! I mean if someone like Jillian Barbarie tells me she uses it, well it may make me re-think my decision... Simply because she's had a baby. Was she using the NuvaRing whenever she got preggers???

Hmmm, seems like this decision like graduate school requires some more thinking.  Good thing I am not all about partying it up, and I know how to say no.  Now with graduate school, I have decided to start taking donations.  I will be standing on the side of the road with a sign that say "Will work for education!"